Ladies and gentlemen, concerned citizens and ignorant fellows, I bring you grave tidings. There is an epidemic running rampant in South Korea, an unmitigated disaster caused by a desire for comfort and a cool breeze. Yes, you heard me, the fans we use to keep cool during the hot and humid summer are picking us off one by one. It’s something unknown in other parts of the world, as Korean fans seem to be bred with a particularly vicious streak that is only active if they are sold domestically (and not in global markets). It’s something many a person will sleep in terror of… known matter-of-factly as: FAN DEATH!!!
I had a narrow brush with fan death today that almost claimed the precious life of one of my particularly hypochondria-afflicted students. I had a fan going since, being July, the weather is hot, humid, and determined to make my shorts stick to my rear whenever possible. All the other students in the class were hot as well and supportive of me activating the fan/AC. Not Edward. No, he went into hysterics. Literally… coughing, clawing at his throat, flailing to open the window, throwing a shoe at another student who said something to him in Korean to the effect of, “Dude, freakin’ chill out, alright?”
Since Edward is a notorious attention hog and frequently has little outbursts, I bellowed, “QUIET!” and tried to go on with my lesson, but to no avail. The fan was wreaking its malevolent will upon the respiratory system of my young pupil, and it was up to me to do something. So I sent him out of classroom and locked the door, thereby separating him from the menace and – at the same time – sealing myself and the other students inside with the homicidal fan. But, alas, we didn’t die. Heck, nobody even coughed. I guess we dodged a bullet there…
So what’s the dealio with fan death, yo? Well, let me tell you…
See, when fans in South Korea are left on they can cause your body temperature to plummet, which can result in hypothermia. Or it can cause a massive displacement of oxygen, which can lead to asphyxiation. You can read more about it here. This is serious stuff people. It was a message propagated by government sponsored interest groups and hysteria-fueling news reporters a few decades ago. And it DEFINITELY wasn’t started to discourage people from wasting energy by leaving fans on. No, definitely not that… Governments and the media never lie to people! They’re honest, and upstanding, and…. alright… so they kinda screwed people over on this one.
Careful with your fans, people… They can be almost as fatally vicious as a blindly spread upchuck of misinformation!