The person I was 10 years ago was very different from the one I am today. Development and change are intrinsic to living and growing, but what’s happened to me over the past decade has been more than typical maturation. I’m still me, to be sure, but so many things that I thought defined me have slipped away or morphed into something different. And the primary cause of that has been travel.
In the first half of my 20th year, I was finishing up my university studies, working a decent job, involved in church life, and dating a girl I thought I might someday start a family with. I didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, and didn’t have too many friends from other walks of life — whether those be religious backgrounds, cultural backgrounds, etc. I was vehemently anti-immigration, anti-homosexuality, and convinced of the righteousness of the path I’d walked my entire life.
And then it all changed. My relationship torpedoed. My job evaporated. I became frustrated, angry, and exhausted. Then, in the midst of it all, I left for a study abroad program in Siena, Italy with my best friend, Brandon.
It was a wild month. You know what they say about sheltered kids swinging waaaay to the other side of the spectrum when they achieve independence? Well, there might just be some truth to that. I drank too much and partied too hard, but I also fell deeply in love with all things foreign.
The food, the language, the architecture, the history… the people. Everything was new, intoxicating, and fascinating to me. When I returned home less than 3 months later, I was a different person than when I’d left.
But I stagnated back home, working crazy hours for a company that didn’t care, and the free and wild future I’d caught a glimpse of withered. I became lonely, desperate, bitter. Over the next three years, it got to the point where I looked in the mirror and hated the person I saw. I knew I could be better.
One day, I decided to change. I’d grown disenchanted with my path — my addiction to work, the way I looked at people different from me, the faith which had defined me until then. I realized those things had slowly become suffocating, and I wanted out. So I made arrangements to leave the life I’d built and move to Korea.
My first year in Korea was perhaps the most volatile time of my life. I still made mistakes and did things I wasn’t proud of, but I still changed slowly, surely, mindfully. I knew the man I wanted to be, and I made an effort to be more like that ideal with every day that passed.
And you know what? It worked! Not quickly, not easily, not even perfectly — but it worked. I look at myself now and I’m proud of who I’ve become — the things I believe and choices I’ve made. I’m proud of all that I’ve learned.
I’ve learned that people are the same the world over — they have the same hopes, dreams, fears, and needs. Just like people are the same, so are religions. Religions have many beautiful ideas and affect the world in positive ways, but they are also the cause of much dissension, strife, and intolerance. I’ve learned that ideologies, philosophies, and political affiliations are as imperfect as the people who hold them, and should never be absolute. Most importantly, I’ve learned that love is transcendent. It can bridge any divide, and should never be gainsaid.
I’m not finished with myself. I’m still too selfish, too proud, too lazy. I’m impatient, reckless, and irresponsible, but I’m working on it. I’m still trying to become more and more like that person I saw almost 10 years ago.
I see all the division in the news — the intolerance, the ‘us versus them’ mentality, and the fear. It’s contagious, it’s rank, and it’s cancerous. I see all of the hate and know it draws its strength from fear and ignorance. I don’t have all of the answers, but I do think I’ve got part of the solution.
I used to be like the terrified, bitter, angry people I see now. I hated and was wary of those different from me — the ones I saw as imposters, sinners, and pagans. I know how it feels to hate and fear, and the ugliness those feelings bring. I also know that those feelings aren’t permanent. They can be overcome. They can be transformed into acceptance and understanding.
Know your neighbors. Embrace diversity. Open yourself to new ideas, to critical debate, to accepting those with different viewpoints. Desire to be better than you are, even if you think you’re good already. Travel — whether it be in the physical sense or purely in terms of your mentality.
Know the world you live in and embrace the wondrous diversity it contains.
It worked for me.
- Hiking to Refugio Frey and Beyond - January 20, 2020
- Christmas Letter 2019 - December 18, 2019
- My Walk Out of the Woods - June 30, 2019
Teaching English as a Foreign Language in Korea
“I’m not finished with myself”…. we never are. I can relate to what you’ve said. Once on the road a lot of things fall by the wayside. I find it’s hard for me to be stupid when I can’t understand their language. It’s humbling and you learn very quickly that a few words in their tongue goes a long way, especially when you make a mistake and everyone cracks up at it. The ice is broken and you’re off and running (albeit slowly). Bit by bit you find yorself changing and adapting, yet still able to maintain your integrity.
So true! I love that about traveling and being in a foreign place. Thanks for reading!
Really lovely blog… I came from a religious background too, loved Sienna (my first visit there in 2015) and now teach in Korea too. Your honesty was really lovely to read 🙂
Thank you, Natasha! Sounds like we’ve followed a similar path to get where we are 🙂 To many more happy travels and lots of growth!
“Desire to be better than you are, even if you think you’re good already.” YES to all of this!! I think we get comfortable in thinking that what were doing is adequate or become neutral to what doesn’t actively affect us. And, honestly I’ve been there. Pushing through… that is hard work and I can commend you for doing (& continuing) to do the hard work. Here’s to doing better.
Thanks for reading! 🙂 Ever forward!
What an honest piece- it’s amazing to hear about how travel has changed your life. I can remember when I was younger, I used to live in a bubble and think that my hometown in Scotland was the be all and end all. I would travel an hour and go to Edinburgh and complain about how people were “weird” there. Travelling definitely does make you more compassionate to other people and realise that, despite our different beliefs and ethnicities, people are largely very similar! It becomes easier to see people as equal when you start to realise that. Whenever I would go to an Indian restaurant at home, I would never wonder anything about that person. (Just when they’re going to bring me my food!) Now, I wonder what part of India they’re from, how they ended up where they are now etc. I’m glad that travelling has made me so much kinder, more curious and less self-absorbed.
I remember my little bubble of a valley! It’s so strange to realize there’s an entire world out there waiting to be explored 🙂
I wish everyone had the opportunity to travel and also chose to travel if they could. Europeans with gap years could teach Americans a thing or two. It’s really amazing what we can learn through experiences in other countries in different cultures. For some, it seems to make us more welcoming, open and able to embrace diversity, for others it seems to have the opposite effect though, making them become the hermits that you got away from.
I love that gap years are becoming more of a thing for Americans. I think some sort of study abroad should be mandatory, but hey… one step at a time, right?
I really enjoyed and appreciate your honest and open article. Openly admitting our flaws and the traits within us we’re least proud of takes true courage, so I applaud you for it! It was interesting for me to read how you went from one spectrum of being and thinking to the opposite. I think it’peopme that take a hard look at themselves and take action to change what they dislike are the best kind of folks!
Thanks for that! Here’s to many more positive changes on the road ahead 🙂
Thank you for sharing this deep and emotional piece with us. I bet many people are going through the same thing and can relate to how you have changed and grown as a person. I think it’s so important that we embrace diversity and to open ourselves up to new ideas, like you said. I wish you all the best on your future travels!
Thanks for reading Samantha! Wishing you the same 🙂
Your journey over the past years is a light in all the darkness that seems to surround our world these days. If you can start from where you did, and end up where you are (for now), then there’s hope yet. Travel has such a huge role to play with regards to these things, but at the same time, it’s really a personal choice. I’m sure Donald Trump has traveled the world plenty, but it hasn’t helped him much, so kudos to you for wanting something else and seeking it out. 🙂
Yeah, it ultimately comes down to a personal choice. I think traveling can be more than just physically going to a different place, it can be something as simple as trying a different cuisine or going to a mosque instead of a church one weekend. I had a history teacher in Uni who encouraged everyone to do something like that on a regular basis, it was a really cool idea!
Wow Nathan, what a powerful piece. I love how honest you are about life before traveling. I have to say traveling has also helped me become a better version of myself and it really does open your eyes to loving and acceptance of all others all over the world no matter what their religion or beliefs are. Afterall, we are all human with feelings and emotions. I struggle when I visit home to try and cope with people’s intolerance even my own family, I think that hurts the most. I really love how travel has shaped me into the person I am today and look forward to continue growing and evolving the more I see and the more I learn abroad. Thanks for sharing your personal growth!
Yeah, I feel you on the family part. This year’s visit home was especially tense with the election and all. It’s frustrating, but it’s life. At the end of the day, we can only control what we say and do 🙂
Embrace the wondrous diversity! Cheers to that!
Your journey is inspiring ad interesting. I’m one of those who will cheer you on to be an even better you ten years ago.
Thank you Wendy!! Here’s to the next ten years…
Really enjoyed reading your post – so honest and pure – I’m sure it will inspire many people. I agree with you, travel can help a person grow and develop! I just wish more people would step out their comfort zone and see what they’re missing!
Thanks Rosie! That’s my wish as well 🙂
Very honest piece!! I fully agree that people need to travel, or better, live abroad! Really makes you learn and grow so much as a person. I think most people out here in Korea teaching English can relate to this in someway. Travel, explore, live and learn!
Thanks for reading! It’s nice to see travel becoming more and more popular — hopefully it will help people appreciate each other more!
Such a frank and heartwarming post! The world is waiting for your exploration.. Good luck!
Thank you! Good luck to you as well 🙂
Wonderfully introspective post. It’s tough to dig deep like this and reveal your past. Good on ya for sharing. My journey has been quite similar; we’ve been on much of it together. Siena was a game-changer, for sure. Stay classy 🙂
Thanks man 🙂 Here’s to many more adventures in the years to come!
Nathan, I have been following you, since my early days of “first brush with travel” and travel blogging more so ever. I have been a silent follower of your blog for long, but I must say- I have seen the change happen in you through your writings. I am so happy that- things are turning good and most importantly, there’s so much learning curve that happened to you. I have just started serious traveling for the last 3 years and mind you- I can feel some of the things you have mentioned already. Here’s to more travel, more fun and more learning 🙂
Thank you, Deepika! 🙂 Hope your travels and growth continue as well!
There’s a Korean expression I just learned, “우물 안 개구리” literally: a frog in a well. When people realize that they knew so little (about something). Seems to fit with the theme of this piece pretty well. It’s the way a lot of us are before we move abroad and get some new experiences. 🙂
I didn’t know that one! I’m going to have to remember it 😉 But yeah, I totally agree — it’s hard to know what’s outside if you’ve never been!
This was quite an honest revelation, Nathan. Thanks for sharing. Got me excited about travelling all over again! I guess the first step is to be able to know what you don’t know. That’s just half the battle. Isn’t it? While a lot of us are working on it, you seem to have conquered that already 🙂 Keep moving!
Thanks for the kind words 🙂 Never stop traveling and growing!